Anxiety and what you do
In this section, we look at what people do when anxious
Avoid day to day events :
You may not make phone calls. You may not answer the door. You may not go to busy shops.
Social avoidance:
You may make an excuse to get out of a night out. You may eat at your desk so you don't have to go to the canteen at work. You may not leave the house if there are neighbours in the street. You may get out of a place as soon as you feel your stress rise.
Avoiding making decisions :
You may not make plans. You may try to avoid responsibility.
Acting in a different way
You may fidget. You may find it hard to sit at peace. Stress may affect your speech. You may find it hard to make eye contact
Always being rushed :
You may try to do too many things at the one time. You may find yourself always on the go. You feel full of nervous energy.
Always going at top speed :
You may eat - drink - walk - drive - talk - too fast
Three different types of actions
The best way to look at actions is to divide them into three parts:
Escape
As soon as you feel tense, you may want to escape from where you are. You might do this without thinking or you might plan it in advance. Either way, you just get out as soon as you can. So you do not see the thing through. So you don't know how it would have turned out.
Avoidance
Of all the things we know about stress, this is the most certain:
If you avoid doing something or avoid going somewhere because of anxiety, you will make your problem worse in the long run
If you thought you would not cope if you went to, e.g. a parents' night at school, you might avoid going there. This sounds like common sense.
Common sense is wrong
Avoiding may work in the short term but it will make the problem worse the next time round. If you don't face up to it, you never learn if you could have coped with it or not. When you have to do it again, you are likely to avoid again. This makes stress worse.
Note the old saying - if you fall off a horse, get right back on again. Your problems won't go away if you avoid them. So face up to them now. You will feel a lot better for doing so. Your self-confidence will get a chance to build up. So the message now is :
IN THE SHORT TERM, facing up to the things that cause you to feel anxious may make you more anxious. If you stand your ground, your anxiety level will come down.
IN THE LONG TERM, it will become easier if you keep facing up to these things. As a result, you will see light at the end of the tunnel. Your anxiety level will come down.
So face the fear. Do not run from it.
Behaviour
Often anxiety goes on under the surface but you (and others) can see it when it affects your behaviour. As you are often very aware of doing this, it will make your thoughts worse
"Oh no, I'm acting like an idiot. They will all see that I am making a fool of myself".
The other way this affects anxiety is in 'Safety Behaviours'. This is what you do or think to try to prevent something bad from happening to you.
You may find yourself doing too many things at the one time or not finishing anything you start due to stress.
Common anxious actions
Avoidance/Escape
| Making decisions | Travelling on buses |
| Shopping | Leaving home alone |
| Going out in the dark | Reading about illness |
| Driving | Being at home alone |
| Being far from home | Talking to neighbours |
| Going out socially | Taking responsibility |
Behaviour
| Can't sit at peace | Accident prone |
| Speak too fast | Stammer |
| Take longer to do things | Speak too quietly or loudly |
| Make more mistakes | Bite your nails |
| Always rushed | Argue more |
| Smoke more | Drink more |
| Clean / check things too much | Try to do too many things at the one time |
