8 quick control skills
1. Mantras
Sit alone in a quiet, dark room. Try to clear your mind as much as possible. Think of a word or phrase e.g. :
- "I am calm"
- "Relax"
- "I am in control"
Close your eyes. Slowly repeat the word or phrase in your mind over and over. Do this for ten minutes each day or when you feel anxious. If unwanted thoughts come into your mind, try to push them away.
2. Describe your setting
As soon as you feel your stress rise, describe (out loud if you want) something you can see in great detail, e.g.:
"I can see a picture on the wall. It is in a dark wood frame. There is a boat on a loch. There is a mountain at the back of the loch. There are trees at the front of the loch. The sky is clear and it looks like it is sunset"
If you are out the house, you can focus on, e.g. all the sounds you can hear.
You should do this in as much detail as you can as this will help push stressed thoughts out of your mind.
3. 'Worry time'
You put aside 15 minutes each evening. This is your time to worry about the things that have bothered you in the day. So if you start to worry in the morning, you stop and tell yourself to store it up for your 'worry time' that night. At the start of your 'worry time', you must think of what you have to worry about and then try to do so. Chances are you may not recall what it was. You may feel it is not worth the worry. Even if you do, you may find it hard to bring on worry.
4. So what happened?
Carry a note pad with you. Write down the things you worry about and rate the chances of them happening, e.g. 100% means it will happen, 60% - it might happen, and so on. Look through your diary a few days later and see if they did happen. Keep doing this. You might find that you can stop the worry more easily as you stand back and rate the chances.
5. Coping with tension headache
Try this if you feel a tight band round the front and back of your scalp. Change your posture - don't sit all hunched up. Get some support for the small of your back. Find the groove in the back of your neck. Curl up the fingers of both hands. Push them into the groove as hard as you can. Tilt your head back at the same time. Hold this for about one minute. Repeat this as often as you need to.
6. One goal a day
Try this if you feel you don't have a good structure to the day or if you don't get round to doing things.
Each night, work out a goal for the next day. This should be something you are not doing but should be doing. It might be something like:
- get up with the family
- cut the grass
- hoover the hall
- meet a friend down the shops
- fill out a form
In other words, the usual things you would do if you felt on top of things.
Try to make your goals precise 'cut the grass' not 'do a bit in the garden'. This helps you know whether you have achieved what you set out to achieve.
If the grass is cut or the hall hoovered, then you have achieved your goal and a pat on the back is in order.
The aim is for you to go to bed each night and being able to say to yourself that you have taken at least one step forward. This will build you up for your next goal.
7. Breathing retraining
This is a quick way to calm your body. It can also help prevent panic.
Sit in a comfy chair and relax as much as you can. Take a slow normal breath (not a deep breath) and think "1" to yourself. As you breathe out, think, "relax". Breathe in again and think "2". Breathe out and think, "relax". Keep doing this up to 10. When you reach 10, reverse and start back down to 1. Try to put all else out of your mind. Try to see the numbers and the word 'relax' in your mind's eye.
Don't be put off if you can't do this straight away. You can boost the benefits of this by using:
8. Breathing from the diaphragm
Place one hand on your chest and the other over your belly button. As you breathe in, the hand on your stomach should be pushed out while the hand on your chest should not move. As you breathe out, your stomach should pull in. Your chest should not move.
To help, breathe in through your nose, purse your lips and breathe out slowly through your mouth. If you are a chest breather, you may find this hard at first. If you can't get the hang of this, lie on your back on the floor and practise. You will find this easier.
Put these two together and do them twice a day. Once you get good at them, do them when you are at work, sitting on the bus, watching TV etc. The aim is to be able to do this no matter where you are. No-one will notice you doing them.
- Take a breath in and think "1"
- Breathe out and think "relax"
- Take a breath in and think "2"
- Breathe out and think "relax"
- Repeat up to 10 and then back down to 1
- Think only about your breathing and on the number and "relax" in the minds eye
- Use slow normal breathing (10-12 breaths per minute). Breathe in through your nose. Purse your lips and breathe out slowly through your mouth
- Use the diaphragm - as you breathe in, your stomach should push out while your chest should not move
- As you breathe out, your stomach should pull in. Your chest should not move when you breathe out.
- Practise twice a day in different places.
